“The check is in the mail.”
“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt.”
“Love and sex disappear after _____” (you put in the age).
We live in a youth-drenched culture – one that often suggests it’s unseemly to be sexually active after a “certain age.” Sadly, the media reinforce this blatant untruth – just look at how infrequently “older” couples are depicted as lovers in movies and on TV.
It’s a myth! But how do we keep from buying into it? There are a number of strategies you might want to consider:
1. Keep yourself physically fit. No, not a triathlon! But by staying active (within your capabilities), middle-age spread is not inevitable. And feeling good about yourself makes it easier to feel sexy.
2. Keep your relationship fit. Routine is a killer of intimacy, so introduce new ideas and things to share. If your relationship continues to grow, so will your interest and energy – and your sex drive. Now that the children are out of the house, you can make love in virtually any room.
3. Make sure that you take time to play together. Keeping the fun in your relationship is an exciting way to stay connected, and if the fun has something to do with intimacy, you’re more likely to stay sexually active and to enjoy it.
4. Keep dating each other. Have fun spicing things up with “mystery dates.” One of you plans an evening (or, for a change, a morning) and invites the other. Let your partner know what time to be ready and what’s appropriate to wear – but don’t let him or her know what you have in mind. You get to choose what you’re doing, and at the same time you and your partner both enjoy the anticipation.
5. Show you care. Make each other and your relationship feel special. Pay attention to each other; listen and show you care. Let each other know, in little ways, you love each other. Isn’t this what Post-it notes and emails were invented for?
One thing you can say about intimacy that’s not a myth: Just like fine wine, it improves with age.
You’ve learned what pleases each other; the pressure to “perform” is gone, so this is the time to really enjoy each other. After all, we haven’t acquired wisdom for nothing.
Break the routine
Celebrate…for no special occasion
Drink water…from crystal glasses
Arrange fresh flowers…on the breakfast table
Turn off the TV…turn on music
Take a shower…together
Make dinner a picnic…in a different room, in the backyard, in a park
Have breakfast…before work/activities, or out
Learn something new together… a language, a sport, a craft
Play. On the court, on the course, on the water
Move. With hiking, biking, cross-country skiing
Puzzle it out. With crosswords, jigsaws, board games
Walk. Through the park or the neighborhood, or café “hop” to people-watch
Dance. Roll back the rug or go to a local club
© Barbara and Michael Jonas (Time for Two, Inc.) 2011
Barbara and Michael Jonas are the creators and principals of Time for Two®.
Barbara and Michael Jonas, married for over 46 years, were selected by People magazine as one of America’s Most Romantic Couples. They’ve appeared on hundreds of radio and television programs – from conservative Christian media to The Howard Stern Show, and Time for Two® has been featured in a wide variety of publications, including Life Drive, Viagra’s lifestyle magazine.
In addition to writing The Book of Love, Laughter & Romance (now in its 7th printing) and creating a collection of romantic games that have been enjoyed by hundreds of thousands of couples, they have written for a number of websites, including About.com.