Becoming a grandparent can rekindle, or kill, the romance
By Shela Dean
When I learned I was becoming a grandmother, I thought, OMG! Am I officially old? Must I wear sensible shoes? Will Dale start wearing tattered cardigans? Will we still be the other’s sex symbol?
Like most long-married couples, we were settled into the routine of married life — content but drifting in somewhat oblivious inertia. Enter Addison and Kennedy, providing an unexpected lens through which to see each other anew. Watching Dale as a grandfather brings into crystal clarity what made me fall in love: his humor, imagination, kindness, and generous heart. Our grand girls adore him, and their adoration reminds me of why I, too, adore him.
The girls bring out the best in both of us. Their innocence, curiosity, energy, and enthusiasm for life give us a more youthful perspective. We play, laugh, and do more. We’re more vital and, as a result, more frisky . . . if you know what I mean. I never imagined that becoming a grandparent would add spark in the bedroom. Happily, I still wear cute shoes. As for Dale, he’s still my sex symbol, but I took no chance and gave all his cardigans to Goodwill!
Grandchildren can boost your marriage energy and sex life. However, it may not be enough. Divorce is epidemic among boomers, but it isn’t the only answer. In one study, 80% of couples who described their marriage as very unhappy but had avoided divorce, five years later described their marriage as very happy. It wasn’t magic. It was work.
The reasons to get married and the reasons to stay married are not necessarily the same. You can remodel your marriage into one that works for you. Like any remodeling project, you need a plan:
- Identify what you like and wouldn’t change.
- Identify what you’d like to change, and find agreement where you can.
- Identify those areas in which you need help, and then get additional help.
Be willing to take the first step of talking about your marriage. Things can’t get better unless you are willing to do so. Remodeling your marriage may not be easy or quick, but it’s worth it.
Shela Dean is a relationship coach, speaker, and author. She is the bestselling author of Frequent Foreplay Miles: Your Ticket to Total Intimacy and ReDate Your Mate: 4 Steps to Falling in Love All Over Again (Boomer Edition).