“Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it,” wrote Cole Porter. Well, so do we grands.
The difference is, if you expect to make love the same way you did when hormones were your propelling force, forget it. Fifty-plus togetherness takes a different kind of motivation. Yes, we have pills, Kegel exercises, hormone replacements and titillating flicks, and of course we all know that healthy diets and exercise help. But what really makes the difference is the way we think about it all.
The birds and the bees for upbeat grands
1. The brain is your major sex organ. If what’s below your belt doesn’t work the way it once did, change your thinking about sex. Sex is all about process, not only the goal.
2. Learn to cherish your sensuality. Remember Marvin Gaye’s songs “Let’s Get It On” and “Sexual Healing”? Now we can understand what that sexy guy was singing about.
3. Make sure you are in good health. Get a total physical before trying anything new.
4. Exercise gets your brain’s serotonin swaying, your circulation flowing and your muscles moving. Do a little or a lot, but do something.
5. Eating well and losing those few extra pounds will not only help keep you healthy, it will make you feel sexier.
6. Guys: Let science help you where nature has left off. You may find your erections aren’t as firm or frequent as they once were. This is normal. Don’t be afraid to use erection aids if prescribed. Caution though: Not every prescription works for every man, and most don’t work all the time. Genuine desire is still your best ally.
7. Ladies: If you need a little help, try over-the-counter lubricating products like Astroglide, K-Y Jelly or any of the many new products out there. Vaseline is a no-no. Try what’s commonly used for cooking, Crisco. It’s soluble, a great lubricant, inexpensive, easy to find in any supermarket, and can heat up the bedroom to a sizzling boiling point.
8. Communication keeps sex alive and comes in many forms. Sometimes a simple gesture, a loving comment or even an afternoon in the park can be very sexy.
9. Become a good listener – to yourself. Think about your feelings, your values and your knowledge. If you are shy and confused by the new you, this is to be expected. You may not know what you want now. That’s fine. Start to talk to your friends, read the latest medical information, surf the web, and fact-check before you believe anything you are told.
10. It’s a statistical fact: Good sex and good relationships help keep people happier, healthier and living longer.
Dr. Dorree Lynn is a Georgetown-based psychologist and the author of Sex for Grownups.