With “male menopause” there’s more than one way to stay in the game.
Okay, guys, this one’s for you. Women aren’t the only ones who experience a change as they age. From erectile dysfunction to midlife crisis, fantasies and infidelity, you’ve got your own issues to deal with. But just as you would handle any major deal or financial transaction, if you know what you’re in for, then you’ll be better prepared to handle it.
You and your “best friend.” Years ago, things were simple. When you first found your penis, it likely became your best buddy. But somewhere along the way you might feel like it became your part-time enemy — erections might not be as frequent or easy to manage and you might not last as long as you once did. This is not cause for panic.
Less Performance = More Pleasure! The truth is that a man’s penis is highly delicate and responds with great sensitivity to both touch and emotion. Men can have many sexual sensations that go beyond their transient erections, yet most men tend to follow the foreplay-penetration-orgasm pattern learned in youth and seen in pornography. A man’s entire body is an erogenous zone — skin is the largest sex organ and is often neglected. Shifting your focus from penetration and performance to relaxation and pleasure can make sex a whole lot more enjoyable!
Midlife crisis? Somewhere between 40 and 50, men begin to notice both physical and psychological changes. Most are due to naturally declining hormones that keep us from functioning as we did when we were younger. Reducing stress in your life may do wonders for your health, happiness and sex life. Instead of, or in addition to, buying a sports car, you may want to consider investing in your relationship with a romantic getaway or short-term couples retreat, and investing in yourself by eating healthy foods in reasonable quantities and finding a moderate exercise that you can enjoy.
Fantasies vs. infidelity: In all my years of practice, I’ve never known an older man who hasn’t at least dreamed about having sex with a younger woman. Fantasy is not the same as action. When you think about it, millions of years of evolution have arranged it so that we find young men and women in their physical prime especially attractive. Feeling guilty about this can only add unnecessary stress to your life. Thinking is not the same as doing. Most men (and women) fantasize before and during sex. It’s a wonderful way to help you get turned on and enhance sex, alone or with a partner.
If you do have an affair and want to remain in your original relationship, be aware that it can take its toll on your partnership and it will take effort and time to regain trust. The trend is to stay together and forgive, or at least stay together and move on.
So, do men have menopause? The answer is really yes and no. Women get a big-bang wakeup call with menopause. Man-changes are slow and steady, and sometimes it feels as if you’ll never win the race. But win, place or show, sex is a grand game.
Links to learn more . . .
• “Male Menopause: Myth or Reality,” from MayoClinic.com
• Video: Dr. Dorree talks about erectile dysfunction on YourTango
Dr. Dorree Lynn is a psychologist and life coach committed to helping people have better relationships and fulfilling sex lives. Dr. Lynn is AARP’s “Sexpert” and has appeared on Good Morning America, MSNBC, CNN, PBS and other national programming. Her book, Sex for Grownups, is available on Amazon. Visit Dr. Dorree’s online library at FiftyAndFurthermore.com, and follow her online at DrDorreeLynn.com and Facebook.