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Do You Or Your Grandchildren Have Victim Thinking?

by Sue Gillespie (Grandma Sue)

Victim thinking is a learned trait. It usually starts in childhood, but it can easily continue on and become a habit even if there is no reason for it. Dealing with this will not only help you, but give you tools to help your grandchildren overcome this same unhealthy way of dealing with life.

Victim thinking becomes entangled in your thought process, which makes it very hard to identify. So, stopping victim thinking can seem like an overwhelming task.

Picture a huge Thanksgiving Day parade balloon?  It looms overhead, is bigger than life and casts a large dark shadow over everything.  Problems in life can look a lot like this huge balloon: Overwhelming and bigger than you can handle.

But no matter how gigantic the balloon (or problem) all you need is a small pin.  By sticking that pin in the larger-than-life balloon – all the air starts to come out. The balloon looses it’s greatness and begins to collapse. Many times it only takes a small pin-hole to start deflating those issues in your life that have cast a huge dark shadow over you.

Pin #1:  Start being AWARE of the thoughts and words that come out of you.

  • Are you blaming others?
  • Are you assuming someone’s intentions are evil?
  • Are you feeling sorry for yourself? ..or enjoying when others feel sorry for you?  “Why me?”
  • Are you focusing on the bad?
  • Are you saying phrases like:  “I can’t…”, “I don’t know…”  , “I’m trapped…”, “I’m afraid…”

Pin #2:  ADMIT that what you just said or thought was victim thinking.  Say to yourself, “I am not a victim.  I am not helpless. I can make choices. I CAN do something about my situation.”

Pin #3:  Take one ACTION step. Do one thing to make your situation better.

Pin #4: A-LLUMINATE  (I know that’s not how you spell illuminate, but I needed an A word.)  Shine a light on the darkness.

Victims learn to stay silent. Keeping things to yourself is like hiding them in the dark. When they’re hidden, they become stronger and more controlling.  But as soon as you turn the light on, the darkness begins to loose it’s hold.  When you open up and talk to someone, you are turning the light on the darkness.

Victim thinking feels comfortable. It may have kept your world safe in the past. But now, it’s hurting you and holding you back. It’s hindering your health, your relationships and your productivity. It’s keeping you powerless and needy.  Be AWARE, ADMIT, take ACTION, and A-LLUMINATE.  Take your power back!  Then, you’ll be able to  help your grandchildren learn to use these tools, too, before victim thinking takes a strong hold on them.

Sue is a Craniosacral Therapist and Foot Reflexologist and is the author of Grandma Sue’s Bible Adventures in Rhyme.

Books available at: www.grandma-sue.com




Christine Crosby

About the author

Christine is the co-founder and editorial director for GRAND Magazine. She is the grandmother of five and great-grandmom (aka Grandmere) to one. She makes her home in St. Petersburg, Florida.

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