By Grandpa Bob Niles
Dear Mom and Dad,
Grandma thought I should write a note to let you know we are all okay here. The fires and smoke have only added to our camping experience with Grandma and Gramps. Gramps said it was a good thing he had built the campfire on the west side of his van as the flames ran away from our campsite rather than through it.
Gramps is a really good driver and is teaching me to drive when his eyes get too tired from all the smoke. He works the three pedals and the shifter and I’m the eyes that steer Gramp’s Millennium Falcon. Oh don’t worry it’s only on the back roads where little traffic is seen as most of the residents that use the roads must be away on holidays. That’s what old Gramps figures anyway. Grandma sure gets excited easily.
Last week we spent an extra day in this little town that was under a vaccination order. It sure was a quiet little town.I guess everybody’s hiding from getting their shots like Peyton and I did. Gramps had to fix the brakes on his old camper-ized van so we camped behind the tire shop in town.
The man that owned it was evac..u..something and wanted Gramps to come with him and his family off the mountain. Gramps laughed and waved him a cheery good-bye. But before they went (and in a big hurry) they had left the bathroom at the back of their shop open for us to use at night. ‘Good thing!’ Gramps said because the tanks on the van were overflowing so we couldn’t use the toilet. Gramps said he’ll dump them soon somewhere because with so much extra weight, stopping the Millennium Falcon is more of a suggestion than conclusion.
Grandma and Gramps sure pray a lot. They were praying so hard and all the time that they would find Peyton again. But I guess you already knew that we found him. Gramps said he used his secret computer to computer-ize you the message.
The hospital fixed Peyton’s leg with a cast and now he’s as good as new. It will still take a while for his hair to grow back though because of squirting gas on the fire. But gramps said you knew that too.
I guess he told you about the EpiPen too then. Gramps figured we needed some nuts with our beers. Kidding! They were light beers. Anyway that ‘blue to the sky and orange to the thigh’ TV ads paid off big time! Twice! Gramps can’t believe so many things, like mixed nuts, have actual nuts in them. Then he got all bothered and wanted to know how everybody went from allergic to intolerant overnight. Grandma said she’s going to start reading the labels on all our treats from now on. And we eat a lot of treats!
Gramps tuba sure takes up a lot of room in the van. But he swears by placing it on the picnic table at the camp site it usually keeps the sites on either side empty. And if not, like our last stop at Camp Atcha Ownrisk the teenagers guitar at the site besides us, at 10 o’clock at night, makes good fire kindling.
A couple of nights ago gramps and I went up to the top of a nearby ridge that’s burning and empty the septic tanks on the fires. Whatever septic is, besides stinky. I figure he should get his picture in the paper for helping put out fires but he’s not interested. He said he wanted to keep it our secret.
You sure got cool parents Dad. After they go to sleep Peyton and I can stay up as late as we like. Don’t worry we don’t go too far out in the forest as gramps says there are black bears and grizzly bears around. He has bells that we wear and we carry bear spray. We know they’re around as we see bear droppings all over the place. Peyton’s gross cause he looks in it to see what they eat. Gramps and him found berries, grasses and fur from maybe a rat in the black bear scat this morning. And bells that smelled like bear spray in the grizzly scat just behind Gramps van. Gross eh?
Grandma is going to show me how to mail this at our next stop. My first mail! Gramps won’t let me use his secret computer to email you. I think he’s a spy! We’re going off now to look for him as he’s wandered away again. Doing spy stuff probably. Last time we found him he was spying through the fence of a colony of nudists back in the woods. Grandma kicked him in the bum and scared him. He almost knocked the fence over and let the nudists out. Grandma said nudists are naturalists so I guess they eat berries and nuts and,….hey maybe they eat bells!
“So Emmett are you and Peyton having fun?” you ask. Do nudists eat bells and poop in the woods!? Of course we are! Ha ha! That’s old school. LOL
Love you! See you in 10 sleeps maybe.
Author Bob Niles is an adoring grandfather who loves to share humorous stories about his amazing grandkids