“Your brain is primarily a problem solver, going into action only when you give it a specific goal.”
BY SHELA DEAN
Don’t take it personally but your brain’s not all that smart. In fact, you have to actually tell your brain what to do. Don’t believe me? Try this WITHOUT reading beyond the end of this first paragraph: Assume you need $100. Close your eyes and figure how to get it. When you’re done, open your eyes and read on.
Before you head off to the ATM to get that cash, let me ask you this: Did you think about getting a thousand or a million dollars? No. That’s because your brain is primarily a problem solver, going into action only when you give it a specific goal. Tell your brain you need $100, you’re hungry, or need a job, and it goes into overdrive figuring out to solve your problem. This simple exercise illustrates the importance of specifically articulated goals. Without them, your brain doesn’t quite know what to do.
It believes what you want it to
Your brain is also a shameless suck-up. No matter what you believe (regardless of whether it’s the truth), your brain will go out of its way to make you right—even when it’s not in your best interest. If you believe that marriage is hard work, your brain says, “Okay, got it,” and then does everything possible to prove you right. Soon, you’ll feel annoyed by the little things, you’ll find fault, and you’ll focus on the negative. Worse yet, if you don’t genuinely believe you are lovable, you’ll see every little slight—real or perceived—as proof that your spouse doesn’t love you, just as you suspected.
Give it positive goals to fulfill
If you want a happy, healthy, intimate relationship, your brain stands ready to help you have it. All you need to do is set that as a genuine goal, believe it can happen, and your brain will do everything it can to help you reach that goal. It’s that simple. But, let’s be honest, it may not be that easy. You may need to examine and change long-held beliefs that don’t serve you—difficult, perhaps, but definitely possible. Start by setting smaller, more easily attainable goals, as steps to reaching the ultimate goal of the relationship your friends will envy. If you need help, get it.
Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Bestselling Author. Her latest book, ReDate Your Mate, 4 Steps to Falling in Love All Over Again, is available on Amazon and other online booksellers. Please visit Shela’s website.