Digital Safety Guide: What Grandparents Must Know And Do

It’s getting harder and harder for our kids to just be kids.

Smartphones, TV, video games, social media and the Internet as a whole is quickly consuming the lives of our kids by getting in the way of real-life and the enjoyment of their childhood. And it’s starting much earlier than recommended:

9 months is the age kids are starting to watch TV when 18 months is recommended
10 is the age kids are getting their first phones when 14 is recommended
11 is the age kids are getting on social media when 13 is recommended

This guide will give you the information you need to educate yourself, give you the conversation starters you need to break the ice and give you the tips you need to raise your kids in the digital age so they can get back to enjoying their childhood.

This guide is broken up into four sections

Photo by Ben White

Section #1 – Benefits and concerns of technology

How to talk your kids about screen addiction
How to talk to your kids about cyberbullying
How to talk to your kids about safe messaging
How to talk to your kids about self-esteem

Section #2 – How kids use technology today

How young children spend their screen time
How children spend their screen time
How teenagers spend their screen time
How young adults spend their screen time

Section #3 – How to talk to your kids about different technologies

How to talk to your kids about smartphones
How to talk to your kids about social media
How to talk to your kids about TV and video games
How to talk to your kids about online security

Section #4 – What can you do as a parent

How to start the discussion with your kids
How to create a Family Media Plan
What should you know about Parental Control Software

Let’s get started! Here’s the quick summary.

Photo by Michael Morse

Kids will spend an average of 31% to 55% of their awake time in front of a screen. Here are the screen time recommendations, by age group:

Children (less than 18 months): no screen time
Children (18 months to 2 years): Less than 1 hour total screen time per day
Children (aged 2 to 5 years): Limited to 1 hour total screen time per day
Children (aged 6 to 11 years): Limited to 1 hour to 1.5 hours total screen time per day
Teenagers (aged 12 to 18 years): Limited to 1 hour to 1.5 hours recreational screen time time per day
Adults (18+): No more than 2 hours of recreational screen time per day

Otherwise, children and adults alike should be spending their time in real life with friends, sports, playing, working and with family aiming for at least 60 minutes of physical activity per day.

Physical activity can be spread throughout the day for at least 10 minutes at a time
Activities can be as simple as walking, playing, running and sports
Aerobic activities should be moderate to vigorous activities
Strengthening activities should be spread out over 3 days a week

Unfortunately, screen time is not just limited to reducing our physical activity time. Here are some staggering stats to consider:

34% of children have experienced some form of cyberbullying
48% of teens say they have received sexually suggestive messages
38% have received negative comments on a photo posted online
41% of teens have been targeted by cybercriminals
69% of teens receive private messages from or chat with strangers online

Here are our top 5 tips for parents about Internet safety, security and screen time:

Talk to your kids (early and often) to raise awareness, stay involved and identify potential issues while they are still small.
Educate yourself and your kids on privacy, sharing, passwords and general security.
Talk to your kids about addiction, cyberbullying, sexting and self-esteem before a potential incident occurs
Create a family plan together with your kids and agree on limits around usage including how long, where and when are appropriate.
Be a good role model, aim for less than 2 hours a day in recreational screen time and 60 minutes a day in physical activities

When in doubt, remember these 5 simple rules to teach your kids:

If you wouldn’t do it face to face, don’t do it online
Once it’s online, you can’t delete it
Beware of random strangers bearing gifts
Too much of a good thing can be bad for you
Lock your online world like you lock your house or computer

What are the inventors saying about their own kids?

Steve Jobs (founder of Apple) shockingly described their low-tech parenting approach in a New York Times article describing the launch of the iPad:

“So, your kids must love the iPad?” I asked Mr. Jobs, trying to change the subject. The company’s first tablet was just hitting the shelves.

“They haven’t used it,” he told me. “We limit how much technology our kids use at home.”

I’m sure I responded with a gasp and dumbfounded silence. I had imagined the Jobs’s household was like a nerd’s paradise: that the walls were giant touch screens, the dining table was made from tiles of iPads and that iPods were handed out to guests like chocolates on a pillow.

Nope, Mr. Jobs told me, not even close.

Similarly, in an interview with The Mirror, Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft) explained how they approach technology with their children:

“We often set a time after which there is no screen time and in their case that helps them get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

“You’re always looking at how it can be used in a great way – homework and staying in touch with friends – and also where it has gotten to excess.

“We don’t have cellphones at the table when we are having a meal, we didn’t give our kids cellphones until they were 14 and they complained other kids got them earlier.”

How can technology help our kids?

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Technology isn’t all bad. Today, there are plenty of apps that are specifically designed to help our kids learn and grow.

Common Sense Media has put together a curated list (by age group) of the best apps for learning.

It’s important that our kids learn how to use technology effectively early on as it will play such a big role in their lives. Here are a few of the benefits that screens and technology can bring our kids when used in moderation:

Develop relationships with out of town relatives
Help them learn to become a responsible digital citizen
Developing mental muscles
Expressing creativity
Growing confidence and self-esteem
Preparing for the future

With all the benefits of screens and technology, our goal isn’t to ban screens with our kids, rather it’s to raise awareness and establish a rationale behind setting limits.

How to talk to your kids about screen addiction?

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Here are a few staggering stats about screen usage among kids:

Young children will spend 31% of their awake time in front of a screen
That number will grow to 39% for teenagers and then to 55% for young adults

3 question to get the conversation started about screen addiction and setting limits:

What do you like most about the tablet? How do you feel when you can’t use the tablet?

How much time do you think is healthy to be on your phone?

What are your favourite activities to do outside?

What are the side effects of screen addiction?

Once you’ve broached the subject, it’s a good idea to talk about the side effects of screen addiction.

The Zigler Family team put together 7 topics (and how to overcome them) on the side effects of screen addiction to explore with your kids:

Increased loneliness and depression
Fueling anxiety
Increasing stress
Exacerbating attention deficit disorders
Diminishing the ability to concentrate, think deeply or be creative
Disturbing your sleep
Encouraging self-absorption

What warning signs of screen addiction should parents look for?

You’re using screens as a babysitter
Your kid can’t control their screen time
Your kid cannot look up from their phone while having a conversation with you
Your kid is having trouble concentrating in school
Your kid is having trouble sleeping
Your kid feels anxious when taking a break from their phone
Your kid has lost all interest in other activities
Your kid is showing signs of withdrawal from social activities
Your kid is deceptive about their screen time

5 tips for parents to raise awareness and manage screen addiction

Talk about the importance of limits with your children
Develop a family plan together
Encourage healthy non-tech related activities
Be a good role model
If required, use parental control software

For more resources, see the National Online Security infographic on screen addiction.

How to talk to your kids about cyberbullying?

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As parents, our goal is to protect our kids from cyberbullying and reduce the potential impact it might have on them. The best place to start is by having a conversation with our kids to educate ourselves and them on cyberbullying.

Here are a few stats on cyberbullying to consider:

34% of children have experienced some form of cyberbullying
Over 90% of cyberbullying occurs over social media, 3% occurs over email
Cyberbullying can be 24/7, making it hard for kids to find a safe haven

3 questions to get the conversation about cyberbullying started:

Is there any drama going on in school?

What will you do when you are worried about yourself or your friends?

What have you heard about cyberbullying?

What does cyberbullying look like?

Another great place to start the discussion with your kids is to talk about what cyber bullying might look like.

Here are just some of the examples of cyberbullying today:

Cyberbullying is posting mean comments on social media
Cyberbullying is sending mean text messages
Cyberbullying is spreading rumors online
Cyberbullying is ganging up on a player in an online computer game
Cyberbullying is sharing an embarrassing photo of someone with other people

How does cyberbullying make others feel?

Another great topic of discussion is how cyberbullying might make your kid feel or how others would feel if they are the victim of cyberbullying.

First, make sure they know that if they ever experience cyberbullying, that it’s not their fault and it’s okay to talk about it with a trusted adult.

Verywell Family has a great list of the effects of cyberbullying. Here are some of the common feelings to discuss with your kids about cyberbullying:

Feelings of being exposed and humiliated
Feelings of being overwhelmed
Feelings of being upset
Feelings of being self-conscious
Feelings of being lonely
Feelings of anxiety and/or depression
And, unfortunately, in some cases feelings of suicide

For more Today.com has more information on how to talk to your kids (by age) about suicide.

What warning signs of cyberbullying should parents look for?

Your kid appears nervous or jumpy when receiving messages
Your kid is anxious to go to school
Your kid is unwilling to share information about online activities
Your kid turns off or changes screens every time you walk by
Your kid has unexplained anger or depression
Your kid abruptly shuts off or walks away from a device mid-use
Your kid has unexplained weight loss or gain
Your kid uses phrases like “drama at school” or “I have no friends”

Photo by Kat J

5 tips for parents on cyberbullying:

Don’t use the term “cyberbullying”, use a less formal term like “drama” instead
Let them know it’s not their fault
Remind them not to respond or retaliate. Often times bullies feed off the reactions of victims.
Teach your kid to tell a trusted adult. You will want to reach out to the school and the appropriate authorities if required.
Teach them how to block bullies on social media. The problem won’t go away, but it won’t be in their face 24/7.

Connect Safely has additional resources on tips to help stop cyberbullying.

How to talk to your kid about safe messaging?

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With smartphones and cameras all too accessible for kids, it’s important for us as parents to educate ourselves and our kids on sending sexually explicit messages, photos, and videos to others.

Here are a few stats to consider:

20% of teens have sent a nude or semi-nude photo or video of themselves
39% of teens have sent a sexually suggestive message via text, email or instant messenger
48% of teens say they have received sexually suggestive messages

3 questions to get the conversation about safe messaging started:

What are some questions you can ask yourself before sending a picture to someone?

If someone sent you an inappropriate message, what should you do?

What have you heard about sexting?

Who are these messages sent to?

More often than not, these messages are sent to people the teenagers know, but sadly, it’s all too common for these messages to be forwarded on to others at random.

It’s important to discuss with your kids that once a message is sent, they no longer control who has access to it.

Here are some quick stats on where these messages go:

71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys who have sent sexually suggestive content say they sent it to their boyfriends or girlfriends
21% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys who have sent sexually suggestive content say they sent it to someone they wanted to date or hook up with
15% of teens who have sent sexually suggestive content say they have sent it to someone they only know online
38% of teens say they have seen or had sexually suggestive content shared with them that was originally meant for someone else

What are the risks of sending sexually suggesting messages parents should talk about with their kids?

There are some very serious emotional risks and legal consequences associated with sending, asking for or forward sexually explicit content that parents should review with their kids.

Verywell Family does a great job covering both. Here are the common ones to talk to your kids about:

Cyberbullying and suicide
Embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and shame
Objectification
Criminal charges for child pornography
Risks having to register as a sex offender

What are the common signs your kid may be sending sexually suggestive messages?

Your kid becomes overly private about their phones
Your kid routinely turns their phone away from you when messaging
Your kid seems anxious about their phones
Your kids’ grades suddenly drop
Your kid suddenly stops talking to their friends

Photo by Wokandapix

5 tips for parents on safe messaging:

Don’t wait for something to happen, talk to your kids early about sexting
Remind them that once a message is sent, it can never be taken back. Have them consider the what-ifs. What if your friend loses their phone? What if their parents check your friend’s phone? What if your friend gets angry with you?
Teach them not to forward messages
Talk to a trusted adult
Consider technology controls

Common Sense Media has additional resources in their epic 17-page guide on safe messaging.

How to talk to your kids about self-esteem and the Internet?

Photo by Elijah O’Donnell

Social media and the media in general play a big role in the self-esteem of our kids. It’s important to understand and educate our kids on the curated versus real-life truths of the selfie world.

Here are some quick facts about the realities of selfies:

12 is the average number of selfies kids take before posting online
48 likes are the number kids say they need before they feel happy
43% worry about how attractive they look when sharing photos online
38% have received negative comments on a photo posted online

3 questions to start the conversation about selfies and self-esteem with your kids:

How many pictures do you take before posting a selfie?

How does it feel when you get a lot of likes on your post? How about when you don’t get many likes?

How does seeing the selfies other people post make them feel about their own image?

It’s critical for our kids to have many sources of self-esteem

Another great place to start the self-esteem discussion is by encouraging your kids to live in the moment, rather than through photos.

From there, you can help your kids build self-esteem from more than just selfies and likes by:

Encouraging your kids to make progress towards a goal
Encouraging your kids to learn something new
Encouraging your kids to practice their favorite activities
Encouraging your kids to help or give to others

The above examples focus on the effort, not the results and that’s one of the best ways to help your kids build a solid foundation.

Here are a few more suggestions from Psychology Today:

Help your child see themselves – Hey, I saw you got frustrated but then you came back and tried again a great job.
Empower problem-solving instead of labeling – Change “You always forget” to “How do you think you can help yourself remember tomorrow?”
Empower your child by helping them keep failure in perspective – I know you’re disappointed you didn’t do well on your spelling test, what could you do next week so you know the words before the spelling test next week?
Let them overhear you saying something positive about them to someone else

What are the warning signs of low self-esteem:

Your kid is very self-critical
Your kid deletes posts with a low number of likes
Your kid seems deflated
Your kid is very pessimistic
Your kid tends to constantly exaggerate
Your kid enjoys pointing out other peoples flaws
Your kid is withdrawing socially
Your kid is always tired
Your kid is reluctant to try something new
Your kid gives up too easily
Your kid’s grades are declining

Photo by Pablo Varela

5 tips for parents on self-esteem:

Talk to your kids about privacy and sharing best practices
Set a 50 percent rule. When enjoying activities in real life, make sure at least half the time is spent on social media free enjoying the moment.
Remind your kids that it’s the effort that counts, not the validation
Talk about real-life truths versus curated social media posts
Encourage many sources of self-esteem

For more resources, Today’s Parent has 11 more tips on building self-esteem in children.

How will your children under 6 spend their screen time?

Photo by Alexander Dummer

The American Academy of Pediatricians Recommend:

Children younger than 18 months have no screen time, other than video chatting
Children aged 18 months to 2 years can have small amounts (less than 1 hour per day) of high-quality programming, ideally co-watched with parents
Children aged 2 to 5 years have screen time limited to 1 hour per day of high quality viewed with parents
Children over 6 years old: create a family plan. Learn more below.

How will your children (ages 6 to 11) spend their screen time?

Photo by Tim Gouw

4 hours 59 minutes of total screen time
52% of the time spent watching TV and online videos via tablets
Only 5% of the time communicating through social media
Peak times are at 8:30 am and 6:30 pm

You can expect your children, ages 6 to 11, to spend on average 4 hours and 59 minutes per day in front of screens (TV, Phones, Tablets, Laptops, Computers).

31 minutes of that time is spent multi-tasking across multiple screens, which rises significantly in the teenage years.

There are two peak times, one in the morning around 8:30 am with around 70% of children engaged with a screen and the second between 6:30 pm at 6:45 pm with around 90% of children engaged with screens. By 9 pm, less than 30% of children are still on screens.

You can expect the majority (52%) of that time to be spent in watching activities, with a growing trend towards watching online video clips mostly via tablets or computers (60% of children).

The remainder of their screen time is largely spent playing games (22% of the time) and browsing (13% of the time). Social media will rise significantly in the teenage years.

How will your teenagers (ages 12 to 18) spend their screen time?

Photo by Steinar Engeland

Increase to 6 hours 20 minutes of screen time with over 2 hrs spent multi-tasking
Screen time starts at 8:30 am and steadily rises until 10 pm
Decrease to 32% of the time spent watching activities
Increase to 27% of the time spent messaging and on social media

With your teenagers, you can expect a big jump in screen multitasking (for example, on the phone while watching TV) and will average 6 hours and 20 minutes of screen time per day.

Like younger children, teenagers start their screen time in the mornings around 8:30 am with around 60% of teenagers coming online. However, teenagers tend to stay consistently on screens throughout the day, peaking at around 8:15 pm. By 10 pm, half of all teenagers are still engaged with a screen.

Teenagers these days see a drop in watching activities to 32% of their screen time and a sharp rise in social media / messaging activities to 27% of their screen time and continue to play games 17% of the time.

You can also expect to see a shift in social media engagement from mostly tablets as children to mostly (59% of the time) phones.

How will your young adult children (ages 18+) spend their screen time?

Photo by Jacob Ufkes

Increase to 8 hours 45 minutes of screen time with still over 2 hrs spent multi-tasking
39% of the time spent watching activities, switching mostly to the TV from online videos
60% of the time split between listening activities, messaging and browsing
Maintaining the same 1 hour 42 minutes on social media as teenagers

Fortunately, by the time your children are young adults, they start to exhibit a more balanced use of their screen time (versus children heavily weighted to watching activities and teenagers peaking on social media).

Unfortunately, you can expect your young adult’s screen time to have grown to almost 9 hours per day – which is more than half of their waking hours.

39% of their screen time is spent on watching activities, but unlike young children and teenagers, the vast majority of that time is spent watching TV versus online video clips.

Close to 60% of their screen time is divided among listening activities such as music and podcasts (19% of the time), messaging and social media activities (19% of the time) and browsing (19% of the time).

Social media activity, in terms of hours spent per day, actually stays fairly consistent around 1 hour 42 minutes and is largely spent via the phone (50% of the time) and computers (34% of the time).

How to talk about smartphone addiction with your kids?

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10 is the average age kids are getting their first phones when 14 is the recommended
The average smartphone users spend 171 minutes on their phone (or 20% of their waking hours)

The average age a kid will get there the first smartphone is just over 10 years old (10.3 years), with over 70% of teens owning their own phone.

What’s driving parents to give their kids smartphones?

The biggest reason parents are getting their kid’s smartphones is for the security in being able to get ahold of them or vice versa. Here is the full breakdown:

90% of parents want to be able to get ahold of their kids
90% of parents want their kids to be able to get ahold of them
80% of parents want to be able to track their locations
66% of parents gave in to their kids long time pestering
65% of parents want their kids to get familiar with mobile technology
62% of parents have a good wireless plan to cover additional lines

How do you know your kid is ready for their own phone?

Every kid is different and there is no magic age that determines when your kids are ready for their own smartphone. If safety is the primary concern, consider getting your kid a flip phone.

Otherwise, here are a few questions parents can ask themselves before giving your kid a smartphone:

Do they have access to other technology and don’t really need their own phone?
Is my child responsible for their belongings?
Am I willing to discuss topics like addiction, cyberbullying and sexting with my child?
Will my child follow the rules around usage limits we set together?

What should parents know about smartphone addiction?

The average smartphone user spends 2 hours and 51 minutes a day on their phone.

They will check their phone 150 times a day, equal to every 6 minutes
They will tap their phone 2,617 times a day, equal to 2.7 times per minute
They will send 110 text messages a day, equal to one every 9 minutes

It’s a wonder why 47% of parents think their child is addicted to their smartphone and why 60% of young adults actually admit to being addicted to their phones.

Top 5 tips for parents and smartphones:

Hold off as long as you can, consider: https://www.waituntil8th.org/
Raise awareness and discuss smartphones, addiction, cyberbullying and sexting with your kids early
Create a family plan together. Discuss and set device and app usage limits, consider banning devices at the dinner table and setting a device curfew before bed.
Be a role model and set a good example yourself for your kids
Nurture and encourage non-tech related interests

Photo by Ben White

11 is the average age kids getting on social media when 13 is the recommended
53% of parents are friends with their kids on social media

Like smartphones, the average kid will get their first social media account around 11 years old (11.4 years old) with 80% of teenagers having social media accounts.

23% of young children have their own social media accounts, which is surprising considering Facebook requires children to be at least 13 years of age before creating their own account and it’s against their terms of service to create an account on behalf of someone under the age of 13.

What are the top benefits of social media (according to teens)?

As a result of social media, it’s far easier for our kids to create, maintain and develop relationships with out of town family members.

That’s just one example of the benefits of social media, here are the other according to teens:

40% of teens say connecting with friends and family
16% of teens say it is easier to find news and info
15% of teens say it helps with meeting others with the same interests
9% of teens say it’s a way to stay entertained and upbeat
7% of teens say it’s a form of self expression
5% of teens say it’s a way of getting support from others

What are the negatives of social media (according to teens)?

While social media has its benefits, parents must be aware of and discuss with their kids the potential negatives surround social media.

According to teens, here are the negative aspects of social media:

27% of teens say bullying and rumor spreading
17% of teens say it harms relationships because of a lack of in-person contact
15% of teens say it gives them an unrealistic view of others’ lives
14% of teens say it causes distractions and addictions
12% of teens say they feel peer pressure

Should you be friends with your kids on social media?

Yes, if you can. It’s always a good idea to be friends with your kids on social media, but every kid is different and some need their space which is why only 53% of parents are friends on social media.

Friending your kid doesn’t replace the need to having open discussions and creating awareness around social media use.

While you may be friends with your kids on some social media accounts, there is a growing trend of teenagers creating separate accounts under false identities, commonly referred to as Finsta, to create a limited circle of friends.

Top 5 tips for parents to keep their kids safe on social media

Sit down and explore the programs with your children. A bonus is to ask them to teach you how the platform works.
Educate your kids on the privacy settings available and to set them as high as possible
Discuss cyberbullying, sexting and online reputations
Establish ground rules. Only be friends online with people you know in real life, not to share passwords with friends and discuss usage limits.
Stay involved. Ask them questions, monitor who they friend either openly by talking to them or through the use of technology.

How to talk about TV, Youtube & video game addiction with your kids?

Photo by Bruce Mars

Kids these days have many options to read, watch and play on screens. Young children spend 2 hours and 19 minutes daily watching TV, watching online videos and playing computer video games. This grows to an average of 4 hours and 36 minutes by the time they are teenagers.

Watching TV typically starts around 9 months of age (though the AAP recommends waiting until 18 months) and close to 50% of all 2 to 4 year olds have already played video games.

Education, exposure and inspiration. There are benefits to TV and video games.

There is a ton of high-quality educational content online to read and educational games available for all age groups. The key is in both moderation of screen time and taking part in the activity with your kids.

Common Sense Media has done a great job filtering the best age appropriate content for kids, you can find there lists here:

Similarly, TV and video games are great for exposing and inspiring kids to join sports, learn about history and get to know other cultures.

Top 5 tips for parents to promote healthy viewing and gaming habits

Create awareness around usage time by keeping a diary and create a family media plan together that sets reasonable limits for their age.
Choose high-quality content (see above) and watch it with your kids to help them understand what they are seeing.
Establish a family night to play boardgames, get outside together or enjoy other screen-free activities.
Use screen time as a reward. For every minute of reading (excluding homework), your kid earns one minute of watching time, up to a maximum of one hour.
Make screens inconvenient or use parental control technology to enforce usage limits

How to talk about online security and privacy with your kids?

Photo by IAmMrRob

Here is a quick snapshot on the general online safety statistics:

41% of teens have been targeted by cyber criminals
69% of teens receive private messages from or chat with strangers online
70% of kids have read inappropriate content online
95% of parents don’t know common chat acronyms teenagers use

How to talk to your kids about cybercrime?

Teenagers are prime targets for cyber criminals (41% of teens) because of the amount of personal information they reveal online.

64% of teens post photos or videos online
58% post information about where they live
8% of teens have posted their cell phone numbers online

Here are the topics to cover with your kids about cybercrime:

Do not share personal information such as address, cellphone numbers or where you’ll be online
If you wouldn’t do it face to face, don’t do it online
Once you post something online, it can’t be deleted
Always control your privacy settings
Password best practices (see below)

How to talk to your kids about having a chat with strangers online?

The majority (69%) of teenagers regularly receive private messages on social media, in chat rooms and email from people they don’t know and don’t tell a trusted adult.

Unfortunately, 30% of people cannot detect a phishing attack so it’s important to educate kids on what to look for.

Even scarier, 46 children are sold into labor and sex trafficking in the U.S. every day and it often starts with conversations through social media and other messaging apps. The Set Me Free Project has excellent resources that increase awareness with 96% of students reporting they would make changes to their social media activity.

95% of parents don’t know common chat acronyms so it’s a good idea to brush up before talking with your kids. Netlingo is a great resource to learn about online jargon, Internet acronyms, texting terms and more.

Here are the topics to cover with your kids about cybercrime and having a chat with strangers online:

Beware of strangers bearing gifts.
Don’t chat with random strangers online or in chat rooms / apps
How to identify phishing attacks and other scams online
Never click a link someone sends to you. Always go directly to the website.
Never give your personal information or send money to someone who initiates contact with you.

How to talk to your kids about porn and hateful content online?

The vast majority of kids have and will read or come across inappropriate content online. 70% of kids have come across sexually explicit content and 45% of teenagers regularly encounter hateful content online.

Unfortunately, kids are being exposed to porn earlier. According to Net Nanny, the average age of a kids first exposure is now 11 years old.

22% of online porn consumption coming from children under 10 years old.

The majority of porn is quite violent, degrading and harmful. According to Culture Reframed 88% of scenes contain some form of violence (mostly against women), 49% contained verbal aggression and only 10% don’t contain any aggression.

So how does pornography impact us? Fight the New Drug is a great resource for learning how porn effects the brain, heart and the world.

It can cause depression, anxiety, stress and social problems.
It can easily lead to addiction.
It can create a misguided sense of reality and warp desires.
It often leads to less satisfaction in real-world, healthy relationships.
It can lead to negative attitude and objectification of others.
It can lead to increased aggression and violence.
It adds to the serious problem of sex trafficking

Check out the Brain Heart World: Discover the Harmful Effects of Pornography Documentary.

Here are some tips to talk with your kids about inappropriate content online:

Avoid shame and blame. It’s natural to be curious about sexual content.
Share your thoughts on the subject openly as well as information on healthy sexuality.
Learn from Birds+Bees+Kids on how to have “the talk” and not feel awkward!
Relate to your kids experiences and consider sharing from your earlier experiences to create trust and encourage them to share more openly with you.
Help them recognize inappropriate content and how to navigate away. Consider reading the kids book Good Pictures Bad Pictures.

Top 5 tips for parents to keep your kids safe online:

Talk to your kids about sharing personal information, inappropriate content, cyberbullying and sexting
Educate your kids about passwords best practices like two-factor identification
Keep all your software up to date to patch security holes
Install anti-virus and anti-malware software
Use content filters for younger children

Here is more information on how to talk with your kids about pornography from the eSafety Commissioner of the Australian Government and hateful content from MediaSmarts.

How to start the conversation about Internet Safety with your kid?

Photo by Jessica Klaus

41% of teens say their parents talk to them a lot about Internet safety
75% of teenagers say their parents have talked to them about the dangers of posting personal information.

As a parent, the most important tool in your toolbox is talking with your kids. Early and often.

Doesn’t matter if you have a young child, teenager or young adult, a consistent open dialogue will help you identify potential problems while they are still small and will even keep you up to date on the latest trends.

Don’t know where to start? Here are two of our favourite conversation starters:

What are your favourite things to do using __________ ?
How has the way you used __________ changed over the past year?

Simply insert any device, medium, platform or application into either of those and then the options for follow-up questions are endless.

What are your favourite things to do using the Internet? Facebook. What are some of the funniests posts you’ve seen recently? What information should you not share on Facebook? How about on other platforms? What would you do if anyone online asked you to meet face-to-face?

Stuck on follow-up questions? Here are two options that always work:

What advice would you give to __________?
Can you describe a time when __________?

How to create a Family Media Plan?

Photo by Rhone

Working together and agreeing on a small set of easy to remember rules goes a long way toward educating your kids about online safety, security and screen time.

Rule #1 – If you wouldn’t do it face to face, don’t do it online

With younger kids for the most part is educating them to behave in the online world the same as they would in the offline world.

You can make it fun by creating a simple pledge:

I will not share personal information such as my address, my telephone number and where I go to school without checking with my parents first

I will tell my parents right away if I feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried

I will not agree to get together with someone I meet online without checking with my parents first

I will not tell anyone online where I will be or what I will be doing without checking with my parents first

I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in anyway make me feel uncomfortable

I will not give out my passwords to anyone (even my best friends) other than my parents

I will not download or install any application without checking with my parents first

I will not do anything that will hurt other people’s feelings or is against the law

I will not post or send pictures to anyone without checking with my parents first

I will teach and help my parents understand how to have fun and learn new things online

As your kids get older, you want to add a few more overarching rules that will help them navigate an ever changing landscape.

Rule #2 – Once it’s online, you can’t delete it

Photo by Jeremy Wong

As our kids start using the Internet with more independence, like with most things in life, our goal is to have them understand the long term impact of their decisions.

Here are three things you’ll want your kids to keep in mind:

Think twice before hitting enter.

How will you feel about this post next month? next year? ten years from now? We want to teach our kids to pause and remember that once they hit enter, that post will live forever for their teachers, colleges admission officers, future bosses and even their own children to see.

When in doubt, remember WWGS (What Would Grandma Say?).

It’s easy for our kids to get caught up in the moment so we want to teach them to always consider What Would Grandma Say? Remind your kids that once it’s digital, it’s no longer in their control and can be forwarded, stolen and re-posted publicly. Grandma will always be able see that post or picture they just sent.

The ABCs of Privacy – Always Be in Control of your Privacy Settings.

We want to give our kids confidence online and remind them that they are in control of their own privacy – not just in what they say but also in who can see it. Make sure to go through each privacy setting with your kids so they understand each one.

Rule #3 – Beware of strangers bearing gifts

Photo by Paul Garaizar

Not everyone online is who they say they are and we want to teach our kids to beware of online scams and not to chat with strangers online or in chat rooms.

Unfortunately, bad actors are constantly evolving their methods whether it be general phishing emails or the latest spear phishing scam and constantly changing the platforms they use whether they be email, social networks or text messages.

What we can do, however, is to educate our kids on how to spot a scam. Here are the common things to look for:

If they are asking for personal information
If they are asking you to send money
If they say it’s urgent (Act Now! Don’t Wait!)
If they try to use fear (Your account has been compromised)
If it’s from a stranger
If it looks like it’s from a friend, but asking for personal information, to send money or using urgency or fear
If it’s too good to be true

Remind your kids to always be suspicious online and when in doubt, follow these two rules:

Never click a link someone sends to you. Always go directly to the website.
Never give your personal information or send money to someone who initiates contact with you.

Rule #4 – Too much of a good thing is bad for you

Photo by Victoria Heath

As a parent, we want to create an environment where our kids can learn self control. With some simple rules, technology can be a great facilitator.

Teach them to set limits.

Helping your kids establish boundaries can be a great way to teach them about self control.

Here are four simple, yet effective rules for setting limits on devices:

Aim for 1 hour of phone time and 1 hour of watching/gaming activities a day
No phones at the dinner table
Charge phones overnight outside of the bedroom
Sunday is device-free day

Enjoy healthy alternatives.

Once limits have been set, it’s important to fill that time with healthy alternatives that can pull them away from their screens. Some simple options are:

Interactive experiences like board games, educational games, books and puzzles
Family time, see 101 things to do when your kids are bored
Sports such as golf, tennis, kayaking, skateboarding, soccer, etc.

Or better yet, get proactive and create a “Bored Jar” together as a family so there is always something fun to do.

Create a list of non-tech related activities your kids love doing and write each one down on a small piece of paper, then put them all in the jar. When you’re looking for something to do, have your kids pull something from the jar and enjoy the family time together.

Be a good role model.

The absolute best way for your kids to learn self control, is for you as the parent to be a good role model.

Make sure to follow the same household limits
Keep your phone in your pocket or bag when interacting with your kids
Avoid using your phone while driving

Rule #5 – Lock your online world like you lock your house

Photo by Oliver Ulerich

Just like we teach our kids about the importance of locking the front door as we leave the house, we want to teach our kids the 3 fundamentals of protecting their online presence early.

Security Fundamental #1 – Password Management

While some smartphones have advanced security measures like fingerprint scanning and facial recognition, passwords are still the default security mechanisms.

The two most important password tips to educate your kids on are:

Use a different (and long) password for each website and application login
Always use two-factor identification when possible

In practice, remember a different password for each login can be difficult for any adult, let alone child. That’s why we recommend using a password manager to help with:

Password generation
Password form filling
Family password management
Secure password sharing

Digital Trends has a list of best password managers.

Security Fundamental #2 – Keep your software up to date

Software updates are actually an important life lesson to teach your kids. It lets the know that not everything in the world is perfect out of the gate and the importance of continuous improvement.

They are also an important security measure to teach your kids. It’s all too easy to click “later” when prompted with a security update. However, most updates include important security fixes and should be updated immediately.

Security Fundamental #3 – Install anti-virus and anti-malware software

Do you know the difference between viruses and malware? For the sake of keeping your kids (and computers / devices) safe online, you don’t need to know the difference, you just need to make sure your devices are protected.

For those that want to know more, Lifehacker has a great article describing the difference.

For simplicity sake, anti-virus software helps protect your devices from being infected whereas anti-malware software helps you remediate your devices after you’ve been infected.

PC Mag curated a list of the best paid and free anti-virus tools and anti-malware tools

Also checkout Panda Security’s Parents’ Guide to Cybersecurity for more information on:

Malware
Viruses
Worms
Social Engineering
Phishing emails
Trojans
Botnets
Identity Fraud
Ransomware

What should parents know about Parental Control Software?

Photo by John Schnobrich

Parental control software can be thought of as the third line of defense in creating a safe online environment for your kids after talking to your kids and creating a family media plan.

For some, it’s simply a way to actually control limits around usage and content. For other’s it’s a way to monitor what your kid is doing, who they are talking to and who is talking to them.

When evaluating parental control software, here is what you want to consider:

Purchase & Installation

The first two questions you should ask yourself when considering parental control software are:

What types of devices do you want to protect?
How much do you want to pay?

Today, most operating systems and browsers have built in parental controls for free. Unfortunately, you will need to manage each one separately. This is typically more manageable with younger kids who might simply be using shared devices.

As your kids become more independent with their own (multiple) devices, you may want to start considering paid alternatives that provide a more holistic setup and work consistently across different platforms.

Time and Content Controls

The most basic, yet most important, features for parental control software are time and content controls. The main considerations are:

Restricting usage by the number of hours by time of day, total hours and day of week
Blocking or restricting the usage of applications
Blocking or restricting content by websites or different content categories

Monitoring, Messaging, and Social Media

More advanced features include the ability to monitor the actual conversations and activities your kids are engaging in online, including scanning for cyber-bullying keywords, across different mediums.

Social networks monitoring
Call and SMS monitoring
Private chat rooms monitoring
Location monitoring

Reporting and Analytics

Given most kids today interact with many different screens, one of the benefits of using parental control software is the ability to aggregate reporting and do some (big) data analytics on your child’s screen time usage.

This can be as simple as summary reporting of device usage patterns over the month to more in depth logging, including websites visited, screenshots, email captures and keyloggers.

Thank you to Your Gear Deconstructed for providing this guide.

See original here: https://yourgeardeconstructed.com/parents-internet-safety-security-screen-time-guide/

Sources:

https://www.customenvy.com/pages/how-parents-help-prevent-cyberbullying/

https://www.webpurify.com/blog/15-ways-parents-can-help-prevent-cyberbullying/

https://resources.uknowkids.com/blog/bid/159108/10-ways-parents-can-prevent-cyberbullying

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Enjoy GRAND Magazine