Our words can travel endless miles when we cannot
When your grandchildren reflect back on their relationship with you, they’re going to remember that you told them you loved them, missed them, were proud of them, enjoyed spending time with them and that they are special to you.
BY KERRY BYRNE
When grandchildren are asked what they remember about grandparents, many talk about something they remember a grandparent saying to communicate their love and affection.
There is a name for this in the research: affectionate communication.
The research started with the relationship between parents and children, but more recently it is being used to help us understand what makes grandchildren feel close to their grandparents.
What we’ve learned is that when adult grandchildren are asked about their grandparents, expressions of love and caring are the foundation of emotional closeness to a grandparent
It’s a simple finding that has me really intrigued, because as long-distance grandparents, your words travel endless miles, even when you can’t.
When your grandchildren reflect back on their relationship with you, they’re going to remember that you told them you loved them, missed them, were proud of them, enjoyed spending time with them and that they are special to you.
Of course, you are likely already naturally communicating affectionately during interactions with your grandchildren. But sometimes when real moments are so short with a child, we don’t always think to express our affection out loud. This is true for parents and grandparents.
It’s one thing to say I love you and miss you when you are saying goodbye, but there are countless opportunities to wrap more of your moments with affectionate communication. For instance, the next time you are playing barbies, trucks, or board games with your grandchild – whether in person or on a video chat – try taking a moment to be really intentional in communicating your affection.
Here are a few things to say based on the research findings of affectionate communication and what makes grandchildren feel closer to a grandparent.
- I enjoy spending time with you.
- You are a really special person in my life.
- I love being your grandparent.
- I am really proud of you.
- Being with you is really fun.
- I really admire you.
- I learn new things from you.
- You did that so well.
- I’m grateful for you.
- Your ideas are really interesting.
- You have an awesome imagination.
- My world is better with you in it.
- I love the way you tell stories
I’m a big believer in sticky notes. Choose a few of these that feel authentic to you and keep them on sticky notes somewhere accessible. It will make it easier to remember to slip them randomly into a conversation or moment you share with your grandchild.
Happy Connecting!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kerry Byrne, Ph.D. is a care and connections research scientist focused on helping grandparents nurture strong bonds with their grandchildren from a distance. For more ideas about how to stay connected to your grandchildren, you can sign-up for her weekly ideas and inspirations on her website: www.thelongdistancegranparent.com
