Doing curiosity
BY SUSAN HAWTHORNE
Feature image by Ctatyana_tomsickova
“Grandma, come look!” Our grandson called me over to see a scurry of ants and tiny white larvae he had found under a rock. He wanted to know what these creatures were, and he eagerly turned over neighboring stones to see what more he could discover.
In their fascinating book Curious Minds: The Power of Connection, Perry Zurn and Dani Bassett suggest that our grandson’s eagerness to share and to keep exploring show that he is weaving his discovery into an expanding understanding of the world: He is creating new connections—figuratively and also literally, by reshaping his brain’s neural networks to include the new information. Curiosity isn’t something he has; it’s something he does.
Zurn and Bassett point out that there are many ways to “do curiosity”. Some people, the busybodies, collect stories like a neighborhood gossip; others hunt carefully following a trail; others dance, leaping from idea to idea. Our grandson is more like an excavator!
What grandchildren are curious about will also change their approach. If they’re curious about what their body can do (can I crawl? climb? cartwheel?), they’re going to experiment differently than if they are curious about a bug in the grass or a puzzling phrase. And of course, age makes a difference: Babies explore differently than teenagers. (I suggest ways to engage grandkids’ curiosity at various ages here.)
Whatever your grandchild’s style, interests, or age, if curiosity is something they do, grandparents can guide them—and join in!
- Offer an encouraging comment: When your grandchild is exploring, take a moment to notice their efforts and remark kindly. Your words can motivate them to continue engaging the world curiously.
- Team up: You and your grandchildren can explore together, maybe figuring out what those ants are up to.
- But don’t take over! Observe when the kids are curious and when they aren’t—that way, you can follow their lead to what interests them.
- Model curiosity yourself: Ask questions and seek out answers by talking, reading, or observing, rather than consulting ChatGPT. Wonder aloud: “What caused…? What’s that person’s experience like…? How could we…? What’s the right thing to do when…?”
- Keep practicing. The things you do are things you can improve at. You and your grandchildren can exercise your curiosity “muscles” together.
Before you start, though, beware! Doing curiosity with grandchildren can be endless—they can ask “Why? Why? Why?” way more times than you have time or patience to answer. To avoid this problem, shift from thinking that the child wants information to remembering that curiosity is an action. The change shifts your response from answering all those questions to showing them how to engage curiously: do an experiment, go to the library, or simply observe. Grandchild: “What are those ants doing?” You: “I don’t know. Let’s look.”
“There’s a chance that what we discover will tear a hole in our carefully woven worldviews.”
Curiosity also needs guardrails. Physical guardrails for one thing: Some ants bite! Cognitive guardrails, too: One needs to know the difference between curiously following the weak thread of a conspiracy theory and following the strong thread of real-world experience. Ethical guardrails help avoid curiosities that harm others, and mental health guardrails discourage morbid curiosities. And of course, the guardrails need to be tighter for children than for adults.
Still, “doing curiosity” isn’t safe. Curiosity often leads to places or ideas that are new, uncomfortable, or opposed to what we are used to. There’s a chance that what we discover will tear a hole in our carefully woven worldviews. Change like that can be deeply disconcerting. But it can also be liberating and exhilarating.
Endless, mind-expanding, and a bit of dangerous curiosity offers you and your grandchildren a world of excitement!
