One day as I was thinking about how I could step it up a little, I asked myself what I most wanted to give to my grandchildren. The answer wasn’t financial help or more fun or travel.The answer was that I wanted to try to share with them the principles that I felt could help to make their lives happy and productive.The best things I could give them, I reasoned, were the best things I had learned.
“Fellow grandpas, let’s unite, let’s learn from each other, and let’s you and I focus more on the most delightful part of our lives.”
So, one quiet Sunday afternoon, I wrote a short list of three or four “Grandfather’s Principles.” The next week I read a couple of them to some of my older grandkids in hopes of engaging them in a little discussion.
It fell flat. Their looks seemed to say, “When will this lecture be over?”
I tried changing my pitch to “Grandfather’s Beliefs” and “Grandfather’s Tips,” but those didn’t work any better.
But I kept working on my list, expanding it and refining it, and then one summer, at our family reunion while I was with some of our elementary age grandkids, I repurposed my list as“Grandfather’s Secrets,”and boom, I suddenly had their interest and their attention. I even had their curiosity!
Things got better from there. I polished my list of principles/beliefs/tips/secrets until I had a dozen of them that were simple and basic but that genuinely reflected what I thought was truly important and what I felt were the top-12 little “life guides” that I wanted to share.
Nowadays, when our grandkids turn 8 they receive the first two secrets. When they are 10, they get two more; two at 12, two at 14, two at 16, and the final two in the year they have turned 18.
I give rewards and recognition to kids for learning them, for memorizing them. We talk about when and how they have applied them or how they might apply them when they are older. I text back and forth about them with grandkids who are old enough to have a phone. At reunions we have group discussions where they share examples of using them in everyday life. The secrets seem to find their way into ordinary conversations. Older grandkids sometimes tutor younger ones on what certain secrets mean and how they work.
“I learned a lot about myself from developing these secrets, and I’m still learning important things about my grandkids as I try to teach them.”
Individually, whenever I have a somewhat private moment with a grandchild or two, I ask them to give me an example of how they applied one of the secrets in the past or how they imagine they might apply one in the future. For the ones who live farther away, I text “case studies”—hypothetical situations they may find themselves in when one of the secrets might come into play, and I ask them to text back about what they would do.
I learned a lot about myself from developing these secrets, and I’m still learning important things about my grandkids as I try to teach them.
You should know that I asked my grandkids if I could “tell our secrets.” I sat down with them for a little discussion at our last family reunion and posed the question—should we share these secrets, and put them in a book?
Some had some reservations, after all, these aresecrets! But as we discussed it together, they all felt that yes, we should share them—with the emphasis on the we! They wanted to be co-authors—to share how they have used the secrets in their own lives—and, said a couple of the older ones, to share the book’s royalties!
Turns out that that little discussion was the real key to making this book interesting. I can explain the secrets and why I chose them and how I wrote them and how they were transmitted to my grandkids. But only these grandkids, in their own voices, can tell you how they worked for them, what they did with them, and how their choices, character, and lives were influenced by them.
So, their stories, their reports, their experiences populate the pages of this book. And these are unedited—they are their voices in their 8-year-old or 12-year-old or 18-year-old language. You will enjoy them, but probably not as much as I did!
Introduction: The Nature of this Book
You will find that this is a personal book. It is just one grandparent writing to another. Thus, much of it is written in the first person, especially the introductions or stories or opening parts of sections, and I’ll use words like “we” and “let’s” and “you and I”. We’re thinking about and talking about our grandkids, you and I. We know this is not an easy job, and we know there are a lot of ways to fail and a lot of blunders and counterproductive moves we can make. So, let’s be personal, and let’s be real. We both want to do it the best we can, and we both believe that our grandkids are special—remarkable even. We brag a lot about them and we want to do everything for them. But oh, how we want to do it right, and how we want to do it in harmony and in teamwork with our children-the-parents.
Fellow grandpas, let’s unite, let’s learn from each other, and let’s you and I focus more on the most delightful part of our lives.
Let me modify that last sentence just a little, and say “fellow grandparents” rather than just “grandpas.” Because this book, despite its title, is written for all grandparents—grandmas as well as grandpas. It’s just that I’m the latter, and I kind-of think the former needs less help than the latter. But if you’re the former, enjoy; and then give it to your latter!
Version 1.0.0
The book is THE GRANDPARENTING BLUEPRINT: How to Teach your Grandchildren Life’s Most Important Lessons. Here is the link where you can read more about it, and where you can order it today with our author’s discount.
When you go to checkout, click the “I have a coupon” button and put EYREFRIEND in the box, and you will get the book for $11.39 instead of $18.95.
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The Eyres are authors of more than 50 books, most of which deal with work/family balance and parenting. Their book, Teaching Your Children Values was a New York Times #1 Best Seller. In addition to their ongoing work with parents, their latest books are about grandparenting and Life in Full for Baby Boomers. The Eyres have been frequent guests on national network shows including Oprah, The Today Show, Prime Time Live, 60 Minutes, and Good Morning America; and they once did regular segments on the CBS Early Show.
Richard is a Harvard MBA and president of his own management consulting company. He was former director of the White House Conference on Parents and Children as well as a candidate for Utah Governor. Linda is a teacher, musician, and co-founder of International JoySchools.com.
I learned a lot about myself from developing these secrets, and I’m still learning important things about my grandkids as I try to teach them.
