A blueprint for grandparents
BY RICHARD AND LINDA EYRE
Christine Crosby and her editorial staff have already been kind enough to share with readers the news of the recent publication of our new book, The Grandparenting Blueprint (I say “our book” because, although I, Richard, wrote this one, Linda and I collaborate on pretty much everything we do.)
In this exclusive article, I want to go a step further and give GRAND readers a more personal introduction to the book and the unique way it was written.
In a sense, this book is an intimate story about my own struggle to find a way to pass on to my grandchildren the life lessons or principles that I think are the most important truths my long life has taught me…the very nuggets that I believe can help make the lives of my grandkids more whole and more happy.
And it’s a fairly long story. For several years, I tried to boil down what I thought were the dozen most profound things I wanted them to remember—and to remember me by. Getting those things down to short, pithy statements that they could memorize and internalize was harder and took more time than writing a long thesis about each one.
And even when I thought I “had them,” I failed several times to get my grandkids interested in them. In the book’s introduction, I say:
One day, I read a couple of my “Grandfather’s principles” to some of my grandkids in hopes of sparking a little discussion. It fell flat. Their looks seemed to say, “When will this lecture be over?” I tried changing my pitch to “Grandfather’s beliefs” and then to “Grandfather’s Tips,” but neither worked any better…Then one summer at our family reunion, while I was with some of our elementary-age grandchildren, I repurposed my list as “Grandfather’s Secrets” and boom, I suddenly had their attention. I even had their curiosity!
The working title of the book was “Grandfather’s Secrets,” but in a long discussion with the publisher, we changed the title for three reasons: 1. “Secrets” can be a loaded and dangerous word in families, so while we use the word beautifully in the text, it probably shouldn’t be in the title, 2. The book was definitely for Grandmothers as well (maybe more than) for Grandfathers, and 3. We decided that before we could reveal and write about the secrets, we had to, in the first part of the book, talk about some Grandparenting “Basics” that could create relationships in which the secrets would “work.”
Secret #4, for example, is “Good Popularity comes from being nice to everyone, and it lasts; bad popularity comes from being nice only to certain people, and it doesn’t”.
So, the publisher said, “It’s really a comprehensive plan for Grandparents, so let’s call it The Grandparenting Blueprint.” My first response was, “Do people today even know what a blueprint is? He said, “Well, grandparents do!”
So, the first part of the book, the basics, is a plan for forming intimate, personal, individual relationships with each of our grandkids, with a trust-level and a love-level sufficient that they want to accept the life lessons or “secrets” that we try to teach them.
Then comes the fun second section. I reveal my 12 secrets, the age at which I think each one should be taught to grandkids, and then outline the methods, discussions, and stories that can teach them. And THEN, and this is the best part, my grandkids write, in their own words, what they think of each secret and how it has impacted their life. And kids are candid, honest, and sometimes painfully blunt. I didn’t edit or change a thing, not even spelling or grammar. One of my friends, who read the book before publication, admitted, “I just skipped the parts you wrote and read what your grandkids said!”
Secret #4, for example, is “Good Popularity comes from being nice to everyone, and it lasts; bad popularity comes from being nice only to certain people, and it doesn’t”. A ten-year-old granddaughter wrote a long and quite poignant story about how she felt left out and shunned by a group of girls, and made up her mind never to make someone else feel that way.
A couple of the blurbs on the book’s cover probably get at its essence better than I can:
Mitt and Ann Romney’s endorsement expresses why we all need to work harder to be good grandparents:
Our friends the Eyres continue to create solid advice for families—in this case, grandparents. Nothing in life gives us more delight and joy than our grandkids, and this book is a guide to relating to them and influencing their lives for good. Our only regret in reading Rick’s new book is that we didn’t have it years ago. Not really knowing our grandparents in order to model our own grandparenting, we made many mistakes and omissions. This is a practical guide that can be shaped for one’s own family and priorities. —Mitt and Ann Romney
And Bill Marriott’s quote on the back cover puts it all in perspective:
At my stage of life, one thing I know for sure is that family, and particularly our grandchildren, is the one real legacy we leave. Nothing is more important than our relationships with our grandkids and what we teach them about how to live good lives. My friend Richard Eyre shows us the way. –J. W. Marriott Jr, Chairman Emeritus, Marriott Intl.
We really want all GRAND readers to get the book at our Author’s Discounted Price, so please order it here and at checkout, enter the coupon code EYREFRIEND to get the book for $11.39 instead of $18.99. Thanks for all your interest and passion about grandparenting, and may we all love and enjoy it even more in the days ahead!
