BY DONNE DAVIS
As the mother of two adult children, I found Francine Toder’s new book, Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0, so relevant and revealing that I want every parent of an adult child to read it. She’ll help you see things differently, do things differently, and build a new working relationship with your adult child.
Dr. Toder blends her decades of psychological expertise with heartfelt insight to guide parents through the often-underestimated challenge of parenting adult children. With clarity and compassion, she reframes this phase not as an end, but as a dynamic—and necessary—reinvention of relationships across the generations.
“Toder urges us to “learn about your adult kids’ values and life choices—without preaching,” and to truly “see your adult child… as he/she really is,” stepping away from unrealistic expectations.”
Toder skillfully unpacks the emotional pitfalls many parents face: disappointment when adult children don’t mirror their values; self-blame for perceived failures; the painful realization that our idealized image of our child is often out of step with reality. She encourages readers to shift from resisting to understanding. A stand-out tip: “When your adult child complains, refrain from fixing it—listen instead,” recognizing that venting is more about trust than problem-solving.
Co-create a new relationship, rather than trying to reclaim an outdated parental role. Toder urges us to “learn about your adult kids’ values and life choices—without preaching,” and to truly “see your adult child… as he/she really is,” stepping away from unrealistic expectations.
At its heart, Parenting 2.0 is both a guide and a gentle invitation—to move from authority to attunement, from prescriptive to present. Its bonus sections, devoted to revisiting and redefining one’s own life goals in middle and later adulthood, reinforce that this is not merely a parenting handbook—but a roadmap for personal renewal.
For readers of GRAND Magazine, whose lives are often marked by transition and reflection, this book speaks directly to the heart of midlife recalibration. It’s an essential read for anyone navigating the evolving identity of parenthood—one that doesn’t end but transforms.
Francine Toder, Ph.D. is an emeritus faculty member at California State University, Sacramento and is a clinical psychologist retired from private practice. She is also the author of four books and is currently working on her fifth.
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